Austin, TX
Several days before the IA Caucus, I took a fateful walk to the Texas state capitol — an area I had long found to be a sanctuary for clear thinking. I didn’t feel well physically or psychologically. I took a seat on a bench and realized my own life had for the most part been organized around others’ schedules — not mine.
Where was my schedule? I sure as Hell needed one — it’s called “a life.” Moreover, my general deterioration from cigarettes, bad coffee and hard campaign living had taken a toll.
My spiritual deterioration from the years of negative campaigning — with the goal of destroying the other guy first before he or she destroys you — overcame me as I sat there. I realized that when I met a new person, I looked first for their negative attributes and weaknesses, not their positives. This was a depressing realization, and not the person I wanted to be.
I liken the moment to the incident in Forrest Gump where Gump has been running back and forth across America — but then just stops. Why was he running? Where was he going? Now what?
It was the most powerful moment of my adult life and hit me like a freight train: I could no longer do this. I simply lost the desire and the given one must devote 100% of themselves to campaign work. If one cannot commit themselves in this manner one shouldn’t work on campaigns because the work quality and outcome cannot be at the level required.
In a matter of just several hours, sitting on the bench at the Capitol, I knew my life had changed — there was no way I could just “suck it up” and go back to work. It was over. I walked back down Congress Avenue to Bush headquarters — happy, relieved and comfortable about my decision.
I’d have to tell Rove, Hughes and McKinnon thanks for the opportunity but that I’d be going back to Washington after the IA Caucus.