Cum horribilem walking dead resurgere de crazed sepulcris creaturis, zombie sicut de grave feeding iride et serpens. Pestilentia, shaun ofthe dead scythe animated corpses ipsa screams. Pestilentia est plague haec decaying ambulabat mortuos. Sicut zeder apathetic malus voodoo. Aenean a dolor plan et terror soulless vulnerum contagium accedunt, mortui iam vivam unlife. Qui tardius moveri, brid eof reanimator sed in magna copia sint terribiles undeath legionis. Alii missing oculis aliorum sicut serpere crabs nostram. Putridi braindead odores kill and infect, aere implent left four dead.
Boston Garden
Boston, MA
Decided to try walking down front at Boston Garden from our nosebleed seats, and was surprised to easily get past floor and orchestra security, at least momentarily.
I knew the Dead and their American Beauty, Workingman’s Dead, Wake of the Flood and Mars Hotel catalogue — but seeing in person these non-rock star guys in jeans and t-shirts play this incredible improvisational music was a life-changing event. I had never seen anything so inspiring.
Jerry Garcia’s combined lack of pretense and playing skill was instantly mesmerizing. I was booted from front row within two minutes, but that taste of the band from “right down front” packed a punch.
The Dead, at the time, was on an incredible run of shows in May, 1997 that many believe is the best music the band ever played. I came to disagree with that assessment as i preferred ’72-’74 and ’80-’85 but, nonetheless, the playing at Boston Garden was spectacular, warranting a (+).
I knew more Grateful Dead shows were in my future, but had no idea where this would ultimately take me.
Martha’s Vineyard, MA
While working as a summer dishwasher, I began to think about and investigate why FICA took so much of my $2.35 hourly wage, shaping my newfound anti-government, anti-tax viewpoint; I became attracted to Ronald Reagan’s economic message and became strongly anti-Jimmy Carter. William F. Buckley’s ‘Firing Line’ became a favorite show and National Review was my magazine of choice.
At the same time, I was developing the inherent understanding and appreciation for the fact the Grateful Dead had nothing to do with politics — it was all about the music in the moment. I had not yet begun to think through the seeming incongruities between being pro-Reagan and into Jerry Garcia simultaneously.
Raceway Park
Englishtown, NJ
My second show, and lucky to attend this legendary performance. Hitched to NYC with friends from Westchester and southern Connecticut; took bus from Port Authority/8th Ave. and abandoned in standstill traffic several miles from the venue proceeding on foot — like everyone else. Total bedlam, locally.
Got back to Westchester two days later.
The show warrants a (+) for the sheer spectacle and experience.
Orpheum
Boston, MA
JGB made a quick positive impression on me and I quickly realized the gospel, Motown, Dylan and classic American music Garcia served up in his side band was a vacation from the Grateful Dead, allowing him the opportunity to explore his real roots and his muse.
A beautiful experience, and realized I needed to see as many of these shows as possible in addition to the Grateful Dead. Bring it on.
New Haven Coliseum
New Haven, CT
Old friends from the Katonah, Scotts Corners part of northeast Westchester County had become friendly with Bob Weir and he hooked them up w/ backstage passes. I tagged along and tried not to gawk as we ate catered food and watched the band walk around backstage before showtime. Never saw Jerry, though. The net result of the experience was I learned watching a show from backstage not optimal. I preferred hearing the music from about 20 feet in front of soundboard — my default spot to this day.
Cape Cod Coliseum
S. Yarmouth, MA
In addition to all of the spirited Cape locals, the venue was packed with prepped-out college and boarding school Deadheads making for an interesting, great vibe at this classic two show run.
I missed the first night, and my girlfriend and I showed up and bought ticket from box office. Those days would be soon be over.
We hung out right down front entire show, plenty of room to dance and chill — a memorable incredible show and experience warranting a (+)
Washington, DC
I worked in the Public Affairs and Research Departments for Barry Barringer. There, I met key Reagan NH finance figure, Gerald Carmen, while he was waiting for a meeting.
Carmen helped me get a NH Reagan/Bush campaign job several months later to achieve two objectives: see more of my girlfriend then attending Colby-Sawyer College in New London, NH; but also to invest in hands-on New Hampshire campaign experience to help me with future campaign employment opportunities down the road.
Hampton Coliseum
Hampton, VA
My first Hampton show and farthest South I’d seen a performance as the 1980 east coast spring tour proceeded. Crashed 8 to a room at dive hotel along the strip in front of the legendary venue. We drew straws for crash space, and I fortuitously drew the tub, which was surprisingly comfortable
The tour began in Birmingham and vowed that next year I’d begin spring tour at first show deeper South.
Memorial Coliseum
Portland, ME
My first Maine show, beginning what would end up being a perfect run of huge, powerful shows in this state — warranting a (+) rating.
Manchester, NH
With the help of Reagan NH Finance Chair Gerry Carmen, whom i met while interning at the RNC, I secured an interview in Manchester with NH Reagan-Bush E.D., Steven Thayer. After volunteering for three weeks at Reagan/Bush NH HQ on High Street, and insinuating myself on the office manager doing any job or task necessary, I was ultimately given a $40 per week job as “Town Chairman Coordinator.”
Ultimately, “Town Chairman Coordinator” was nothing more than a glorified name for my two key responsibilities: delivering signs and bumper stickers around the state to various town chairmen, and finding a replacement for an existing town chair if there was a vacancy. I didn’t care. I loved it — and succumbed to campaign fever.
To save money, I lived in my girlfriend’s all female dorm at Colby-Sawyer College, New London, NH. After several weeks, the dorm supervisor discovered I was living there, but liked me. I didn’t bullshit her, and told her the truth: I was from DC working for Reagan and I’d be there until election day if she was okay with it. Three months in a girl’s dorm?
That was a big “ask” on my part. Fortuitously, she allowed me to stay in the dorm through the election so long as I was discrete and had taken a shower and out of the dorm by 6am.
After leaving the dorm every morning I’d either hitch down I-89 towards Manchester, about 45 minutes away, or take a bus from New London to Manchester via Concord, the state capitol.
Fairgrounds
Lewiston, ME
Another great, classic outdoor summer show in Maine. Drove from New London, NH up to Lewiston with my girlfriend from Colby-Sawyer College.
There was a drunk, rowdy crowd down front and we decided to split to the back after seeing a flying bottle and a series of fistfights break out. This type of activity was highly unusual and frowned upon at a Dead show.
The performance — the last of the summer on east coast for the band — was a blowout.
Radio City Music Hall
New York, NY
Attending this show was a must, and thanks to good ‘ol Dad who, despite the fact he despised the Grateful Dead and their acolytes, was able to get two tickets from his NY Giants and Ranger ticket-scalper buddies down at the AMEX, where he worked.
The show will be remembered more for the spectacle and weirdness of the Halloween night show — complete with Franken and Davis closed circuit skits with the band, shown in movie theaters nationwide. Besides being lucky to get in, I recall little from the actual show musically.
After the show, my girlfriend and I drove straight back to New Hampshire so I could get back to work on the campaign.
Manchester, NH
On election night at the Manchester Holiday Inn, I was asked to read the election returns at the podium as they came in, and report to the gathered crowd. Despite the bit role I had at the campaign, the level of excitement from the Reagan win and what it might portend for me back in DC was palpable.
I returned to the 1515 Wisconsin Ave. NW duplex — directly across the street from the Georgetown Club — and became the main tenant, taking over the lease and finding two room mates.
On the ground floor, a high-end, classic women’s clothing store, “Cornelia Wickens’ Liberty” opened, and quickly became a favorite of Nancy Reagan and her California friends. Secret Service sweeps of our duplex became commonplace as Administration officials visited the Georgetown Club, and Mrs. Reagan shopped frequently at Liberty. Certainly of note, all of the young ladies working at Liberty were fun, lovely, and enjoyed attending parties.
For that reason and others, I couldn’t have been happier with my current residential location, but instead of dropping back into GWU I was consumed by wanderlust, and the “music genes” inside me began to dominate my attention, as did guitar. Studying at school did not interest me; Studying Jerry Garcia’s guitar work — in person, at show after show — was where I wanted to be.
Washington, DC
While not withdrawing from George Washington Univ I basically stopped attending classes — except “The American Presidency” taught by Prof. Steven Wayne; unbeknownst to my parents, in the aftermath of their divorce and busy with their own lives to repair, I decided to see as many Grateful Dead concerts as possible for the foreseeable future. It was easily the most interesting and profound experience I could find at the time.
As politics and campaigns still captured my imagination, so too did traveling around the country seeing shows. When not on tour, I waited tables at the Third Edition and Nathan’s in Georgetown to remain barely solvent.
The most important habit I developed at the time was to expand my daily newspaper reading. I was a news junkie, and regardless of the city I was in, the New York Times and Wall Street Journal were available. I spent a good part of each day devouring their collective political, international, economic and sports news.
I may have been wandering around the USA chasing the Grateful Dead, but I was also highly informed about the world around me. I was too busy having fun to worry about the implications of blowing off college.
1981 and 1982 would be my heaviest touring years — seeing a total of 54 shows from coast to coast.
Greensboro Coliseum
Greensboro, NC
After a huge meal 5am meal at the 24 hour Georgetown Cafe (known as “PLO Cafe” to village residents), I set off hitchhiking to Greensboro for the first show of the east coast tour. The promise I made to myself the previous year at Hampton that I’d do the entire east coast tour was off to a good start so long as I made it to the show.
After I-85 splits from I-95, I got a ride all the way to Greensboro in a family RV. The parents and kids let me crash in the back on the way south.
I ended up in the second row center just by walking up, and stayed the entire show — which I consider one of the ten best Grateful Dead shows I’d see, and the best I’d seen thus far. The combination of the largely college-aged crowd, the energy of an east coast tour opener, and a band game for playing an explosive show was captivating.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the friends I’d run in to from Boston after the show, whom I’d planned to ride with overnight to Hampton. I was left to do a solo overnight hitchhiking run out on the Interstate.
Standing on I-85 alone, looking up at the black, starry sky, I’d never felt so happy, and so empowered and inspired by a show. Arriving in the Hampton area sometime after sunrise, I made my way to the Coliseum by noon. I promptly got in line and crashed for the rest of the afternoon.
Hampton Coliseum
Hampton, VA
Following the incredible Greensboro show I didn’t think the band had the juice to sustain that level of energy — they didn’t quite. But the show was still superior, and this Greensboro-Hampton back to back show experience blew me away.
By the time I got back to Georgetown, I slept for two days and missed the first of two Philadelphia Spectrum shows.
Glens Falls Civic Center
Glens Falls, NY
There were just no tickets as hordes descended on a relatively small venue. This was my first time shut out of a show and spring ’81 represented the first time one had to really, really worry about not getting a miracle ticket, or otherwise getting inside the venue.
I hit the New York State Thruway by midnight with several others who got shut out and made it down to Penn Station by morning to get a train to Nassau Coliseum for that night’s show.
Providence Civic Center
Providence, RI
No surprise to see yet another great show at Providence Civic Center — a well worn Grateful Dead venue. My buddy Roger and I left the venue with about $11.00 between us and spent $5 on a burger and cokes.
We set off for I-95 South after 1am and quickly got rides from Deadheads going south. We later got picked up by a short-haired Navy guy headed to New London, CT. “How’d you like the show?” he deadpanned a few minutes after stopping. “Yeah, I was there, it was killer,” he observed. That just went to show the diversity of the band’s fan base.
Per usual, we made it to NYC Penn Station by morning. No worse for wear and sporting a $6 travel balance and no tickets for the next show, Rutgers University, and didn’t get in. Too many people, too few tickets
War Memorial
Buffalo, NY
Another of my top ten best shows — the band was on fire. Adding to the chaos was the fact the Rolling Stones were also in town for a show at Rich Stadium the next day.
Buffalo was overrun by Grateful Dead and Rolling Stones fans from across America.
I caught a People’s Express $29 flight from EWR to BUF, and the entire plane was Deadheads.
Tower Theater
Philadelphia, PA
I loved the Jerry Garcia Band, and the 10/31/81 show was the most explosive I’d ever seen Garcia play with his talented side band.
They closed the early show with a Tangled Up in Blue > Deal that put the Tower Theater into orbit.
McDonough Arena, Georgetown Univ.
Washington, DC
Jerry Garcia playing at Georgetown? We were all in, and right in front row. But no encore: you could kinda tell Jerry thought the audience was a bit highbrow and unhip.
Band was at Watergate Hotel, and we checked out Watergate hotel bar scene; plenty of subtle Deadheads and friends of JGB, but nothing developed with band members — not that we expected to see Garcia barrel into the Watergate bar.
Centennial Arena
Reno, NV
I was getting anxious to hit the 1982 east coast spring tour and decided on a lark to fly to Reno on a cheap flight. This was a powerful, well-played show with an interesting Nevada vibe that made the first set “Friend of the Devil” and its iconic western outlaw imagery come to life. Garcia the VIP this night.
The plan was to fly right back to DC — but because the show was so good, I attempted to hitchhike out of town on I-80 to the next show at U. Cal/Davis — but abandoned that notion after getting no rides by 3am.
Baltimore Civic Center
Baltimore, MD
Several weeks prior to spring tour, I bought a Fiat 128 sedan for $250 in SE Anacostia DC — and the guy sold me a license plate for an extra $50. My friends and I realized that if it didn’t get towed for an illegal plate or running up tickets daily, we’d have to abandon the car at some point when it broke down.
We drove the Fiat to the Baltimore show, and parked in Little Italy area. The car failed to start after the show, we abandoned the vehicle, and hitched back to DC.
Manor Downs
Austin, TX
First trip to Texas — took a Braniff flight to Houston and hitched to Austin. I intended to meet up with some very sophisticated, plugged in Boston north shore friends then following the band full time across the country, taping all shows.
My buddy, Frank, a Harvard grad, had a coveted laminate pass (as opposed to the regular cloth backstage passes) enabling him to hang out at the soundboard with Dan Healy. Frank also had access to the backstage and post-show “hospitality suite” hotel scene. That was a serious level of partying, and I was just beginning to be on the precipice of the backstage and post-show hotel scene.
Needless to say, knowing Frank and his crew was beneficial — and after a top 10 ‘best’ show in Austin, grabbed a ride up to Oklahoma City for another outstanding show.
Summer ’82 the Grateful Dead were on fire.
Zoo Amphitheater
Oklahoma City, OK
Flew back to DC after fiery Oklahoma City show and hooked up with a Georgetown friend. We drove back out to the tour now in Alpine Valley and two more outstanding shows.
Alpine Valley
East Troy, WI
This great show was chosen for Dick’s Picks #32 and featured the unusual opener Music Never Stopped > Sugaree > The Music Never Stopped and a gorgeous, seamless set 2 concluding in a powerful Morning Dew.
Leaving my seat and my friend down in the pavilion to go walk around, I sat far back in the lawn to watch set 2 and for the first time thought long and hard about being a pro-Reagan, GOP Deadhead.
I considered it highly likely that so many of the parents of these young kids my age were probably Republicans, and that many of these casual local fans would end up the same.
What did it mean to me? The Grateful Dead would always transcend politics, and that I’d never discuss it at concerts.
Capital Centre
Landover, MD — (Performance note: first Touch of Grey)
After the show, my buddy Frank up on the soundboard slaps a backstage pass on me and I walk back immediately to see Brent Mydland walk by with a wild look in his eye. I could tell this would be an interesting evening.
After drinking a few beers, I walk into a small backroom with Frank and there sits Kreutzman, Lesh and assorted hangers-on. I got the immediate feeling that if I wasn’t a hot girl or had a major stash of blow I should just get outta there. I did, and our party headed back to the Beltway Marriott a few minutes away.
I got to be buddies with Healy, hanging out at a side table by the window discussing the merits of TDK versus Maxell cassette tapes and getting wasted. Lesh was over on a couch pounding Heinekens and later that night around 4am he seemed to think I was looking at him a bit too intently, I think, and accused me of being a narc. In all fairness, I looked like a narc. Healy stepped in and told Phil to chill.
I grabbed a cab back to Georgetown around 5am when the birds are chirping and sun coming up. I always hated that.
Portland Civic Center
Portland, ME — (Performance note: first Throwing Stones)
After driving to Maine from DC with my buddy, Roger, there were just no tickets to be had outside the Civic Center.
We knew our backstage friend, Frank, was inside the venue and went to the backstage entrance to try to find him. We eventually found him, and he got us in. This was another great 1982 show.
By 1982, primarily on the east coast, if you didn’t have a ticket you always had to worry about not getting in unless paying exorbitant scalper prices, finding that nice couple or group with an extra, or finding that “miracle” ticket.
Madison Square Garden
New York, NY
Because the backstage passes all had the same design but simply smaller lettering for the date and venue, I slapped my Boston backstage pass on my shirt and miraculously walked right by the security area. I was stunned how easy that was.
For the first time, saw Jerry Garcia in a backstage setting — he was smoking a cigarette and yukking it up with a couple of NYPD guys.
Meadowlands Arena
East Rutherford, NJ — (Performance Note: w/ Stephen Stills 2nd set)
Meadowlands Arena
East Rutherford, NJ — (Performance note: w/ Stephen Stills 2nd set)
Washington, DC
The Grateful Dead touring scene was surely no long term plan towards success.
It was time to get serious about either going back to school or getting a job — and opted for seeking some type of entry level job on Capitol Hill. Despite the fact I had no degree, I thought the fact I worked for Reagan ’80 and had the RNC in my background would get a foot in the door.
And despite the fact I had no real contacts in Washington to help me, I was fairly confident I could generate a few interviews if I pounded the pavement.
Turned out I was wrong: I handed out 186 resumes in 186 GOP House offices; after two weeks I received not a single call back.
Washington, DC > Chappaqua, NY
After my second sweep of Capitol Hill — this time handing out resumes in all House as well as Senate GOP offices — I again had no call backs. It was a total failure and I was very discouraged.
I decided on a new approach, and the retirement of Democratic Rep. Richard Ottinger (D-NY).in Westchester County’s 20th CD afforded me a last ditch “leave DC to get back to DC” strategy.
If my Dad would let me temporarily crash at his house in Chappaqua, in the northern portion of the 20th CD, I would attempt to get involved with one of the handful of GOP candidates vying for the 20th CD GOP nomination.
In December ’83 I moved to Chappaqua, paid my Dad rent, and began researching who the GOP candidates were, and where they lived. I would soon go knock on their doors.
Scarsdale, NY
There were four candidates in the GOP primary, and I decided to just show up at Westchester GOP Vice-Chair Margaret Soter’s home in Scarsdale in a suit, knock on her door, and see if I could leave a resume with someone. She answered the door herself, invited me in, was gracious, and we chatted for ten minutes. She asked for my resume, and I left, getting the feeling that pushing my minor Reagan ’80 campaign credential and RNC research internship had been the right approach.
Two days later Soter’s lead consultant, Mike Edelman, based in White Plains, called and asked for a meeting. We hit it off, said he needed someone who knew the issues and could write. That would be me, I said. I was hired to write “speech cards” for GOP primary candidate forums and accompany the candidate at $150/week.
New Rochelle, NY
My candidate, Margaret Soter, loses the nomination fight to New Rochelle CPA Joseph DioGuardi, a partner at NYC accounting firm Arthur Andersen.
I did the only thing I could do: go knock on his door. His wife and daughter were home and welcomed me in. I was told DioGuardi was out campaigning but ended up staying for over an hour. Several days later, Dick Behn, DioGuardi’s pollster and media consultant called. The fact I’d already been hired by Soter helped me land a gig with DioGuardi.
I was hired to write speech cards for general election candidate forums and drive with the candidate when necessary prior to public appearances.
Several months later — mostly by default and happenstance — I was asked to be press secretary at $250 week. “Hey, you wanna be the press secretary?” asked Tim Carey, a lead consultant. “What do I need to do?” I asked, while banging out speech cards with a sad, two-finger, 15-20 word per minute typing technique. When Carey explained, I said, “Yeah, sure.” That’s how I became a press secretary.
Democratic candidate, Oren Teicher, Ottinger’s former chief of staff, was heavily favored to hold the seat against first-time candidate DioGuardi
Saratoga Performing Arts Center (SPAC)
Saratoga, NY
After a long 8 month hiatus from a Grateful Dead show, this was a KEY historical marker show for me because I was attending this Dead show as a GOP professional who must be cognizant of their public conduct and possible media scrutiny.
It was also a turning point in terms of the ‘psychology’ of attending a Dead show.
I surely couldn’t “carry-on” as I had in the past and I had to keep my shit together. After all, I had work in the morning.
Westchester Country Club
White Plains, NY
Former VP Gerald Ford appeared at a Westchester Country Club fundraiser for DioGuardi. I used my general knowledge seeing others record Grateful Dead shows to rig up a radio “actuality” whereby I edited recorded audio of Ford’s and DioGuardi’s remarks then fed to local radio stations –– which then produced news stories that features the audio.
I loved the fact my Dead show background helped me in this political endeavor, and radio actualities became a key feature of what I offered local radio stations.
New Rochelle, NY
Despite our mistake and gaffe-filled campaign, my big break occurs as the 1984 Reagan landslide sweeps DioGuardi into office with less than 50% of the vote. I conduct my first live TV interviews with NYC network affiliates.
I’m grateful for my good fortune and realize luck was involved — but that’s when I knew you could make your own luck in this topsy-turvy, fly by night campaign business. A low level campaign staffer or intern one day can be a key staffer in a House, Senate or Governor’s office the next after a campaign win.
The downside: when you lose — which can happen frequently when first starting out — poverty is just around the corner.
I became a big believer in the campaign business — a true meritocracy where the vast majority of prep-school types I went to school with are quickly marginalized: everything handed to them, no sense of urgency or grit, and no comprehension of the desperate 24/7 hyper-work reality required to win a campaign.
Washington, DC
Assembling his new DC staff, Congressman-elect DioGuardi asks me to be his press secretary. In just one year’s time, I’d gone from not being able to get a returned phone call to a new career of campaigns and Capitol Hill jobs.
I started as press secretary in Jan ’85 with DioGuardi’s office in the nosebleed seats: 1630 Longworth House Office Building.
Baltimore, MD
First time in charge of running a major national press event.
DioGuardi put in charge of annual 3 day House GOP issues conference at the Baltimore Omni featuring House Minority Leader Bob Michel (R-IL) and led by Reps. Newt Gingrich (R-GA), Vin Weber (R-MN).
David Carmen, an event consultant supervising me (and now prominent lobbyist), told me after the successful event, “Congratulations, you’re now a national press operative.” Those words echoed in my mind for weeks. I knew then this was my future.
Washington, DC
In addition to all communications planning, had purview over Congressman’s official and campaign speech writing, policy writing.
I saw clearly for the first time that writing — good writing — can take you far, and vowed to dive deeply into the craft of political narrative and take the initiative seeking out speech writing as well as comms gigs.
White Plains, NY
Former NYC Rep. Bella Abzug moves to Westchester to challenge vulnerable Rep. DioGuardi in Top 10 nationally-targeted DCCC race
Abzug wins competitive Democratic primary and race quickly becomes a national news item with good storyline: Former NYC Rep. Bella Abzug moves to Westchester to knock-off right wing freshman Congressman who got lucky in 1984 with Reagan coattails.
DioGuardi (and staff) relished the opportunity to prove them wrong.
White Plains, NY
DioGuardi defeats Abzug with 53% of vote.
I move back to Georgetown, was bored by U.S. House work and realized I wanted communications work on biggest races I could muster.
I begin search for job on 1988 GOP presidential primary campaign with a focus on Bob Dole and George Bush — and want to return to New Hampshire as a NH presidential campaign press secretary.
Manchester, NH
After meeting with the Dole and Bush campaigns both in DC and in New Hampshire, it was clear I wouldn’t get the job I wanted: New Hampshire press secretary. Others with more experience were in line ahead of me. Despite not getting a Bush job, Ron Kaufman, Bush’s political director and NH expert was always helpful, friendly and returned calls.
I was intrigued by the campaign and issues agenda of former DE Gov. Pete Du Pont — ending welfare, supply-side tax cuts, ending farm subsidies and other libertarian-oriented proposals.
The campaign offered me the New Hampshire press secretary job, and is the best “gaining experience” move I ever made in my political career: I got to work directly with national presidential campaign press corps — not as Bush or Dole press staff underling — and did regular WMUR-TV hits, spoke at candidate forums on behalf of Du Pont, and participated in debate negotiations.
Lunt-Fontanne Theater
New York, NY
(Jerry Garcia electric and acoustic bands on Broadway)
Manchester, NH
In January, 1988 Du Pont finishes New Hampshire primary in 4th place behind Bush, Dole and Jack Kemp. Du Pont drops out several weeks later.
While attending string of Grateful Dead shows to decompress, I decide to seek speech writer job on major 1988 Senate campaign if I can get it.
I target the NJ Senate race between incumbent Democrat Frank Lautenberg and GOP challenger Pete Dawkins, the former Heisman Trophy winner, Rhodes Scholar and Army General.
West Long Branch, NJ
I got the job I was shooting for: speech writer for Pete Dawkins — the former Heisman Trophy winner, Rhodes Scholar and Army General running against incumbent Frank Lautenberg.
This is the top Senate race of the 1988 cycle — and I got the gig.
Dawkins consultants were: Roger Ailes, Roger Stone and Greg Stevens; Lautenberg consultants: James Carville, Paul Begala and Squier/Eskew.
Madison Square Garden
New York, NY
(Rain Forest Benefit w/ Mick Taylor, Suzanne Vega, Hall and Oates; Bruce Hornsby and the Range Opened)
Woodbridge, NJ
In the final week of the campaign, Dawkins campaign ran short on cash, stayed on TV in NYC market but went dark in Philly market. We would have lost regardless, as Team Lautenberg with Carville and Begala were just better than we were.
Lautenberg also proved a worthy ‘made in New Jersey’ street fighter while Dawkins was perceived as a carpetbagger looking for a state where he could knock off an incumbent.
We visited Carville and Begala at their Brunswick, NJ HQ the day after election and shown a stockpile of killer negative ads they never got around to running. James and Paul and tenacious campaigners as well as great guys.
Carville and Begala bought us dinner at a nearby Italian joint, and told me to keep at it. He told us his inspiring story about losing election after election but remaining confident in his skills until he made his own luck and changed things.
Washington, DC
Hired by Roger Stone and Roger Ailes to be U.S. Rep. Jim Courter’s DC communications director until such time I would move to Morristown, NJ for GOP primary campaign.
Courter running to succeed Gov. Tom Kean in 1989 Governor’s race along with highly competitive field of GOP primary aspirants; Attorney General Cary Edwards, House Speaker Chuck Hardwick (Mike Murphy consultant), State Sen. Bill Gormley, State Sen. Gerald Cardinale.
Morristown, NJ
Moved to NJ for five-way GOP gubernatorial primary
Morristown, NJ
Place 1st in 5-way GOP primary; will challenge NJ Rep. Jim Florio (D-Camden) for Governor.
Morristown, NJ
Infighting erupts between Courter’s DC-based consultants (Roger Stone, Greg Stevens, Gordon Hensley) and NJ GOP officials close to Governor Kean surrounding strategic direction of campaign.
Meanwhile, the Supreme Court Webster decision — upholding a restrictive Missouri abortion law — unhelpfully shifts national and state discussion to abortion.
Morristown, NJ
NJ GOP Chairman Bob Franks and his allies in Governor Kean’s camp initiate effort to force Roger Stone and Ailes partner, Greg Stevens, out of campaign. Meanwhile, Stone partner Paul Manafort is cited in HUD NJ housing scandal, placing Stone in an increasingly untenable situation. Stone is first to go.
Beyond the staff turmoil, a wave of bad press swamps campaign: poor campaign management and inability to shift message away from abortion issue.
Hensley, with no cover from original GOP primary campaign team who hired him, forced out a week later, and resigns. Was ambushed by media leaving campaign Morristown HQ carrying boxes to car on way back to DC — the last kick in the ass. Not fun — bad memory, but just the way it is.
Washington, DC
Per prior “win or lose” agreement, Hensley rejoins Courter’s Washington office as communications director after Courter’s landslide 62%-38% drubbing at the hands of Governor-elect Jim Florio.
Austin, TX
Hired as press secretary and speechwriter for Texas GOP gubernatorial candidate Clayton Williams, a wealthy west-Texas oilman, running against Texas State Treasurer Ann Richards. This is by far my biggest, high-profile national contest, and provides extensive on-camera spokesperson, damage control and speech writing work.
Williams faces immediate crisis after winning GOP primary by likening rape to the weather: “If its inevitable, just sit back, relax and enjoy it,” he tells an off-the-record assemblage of reporters at his ranch. Due to the nature of comment, media breaks ‘off the record’ and national firestorm erupts.
Hensley arrives in Austin several weeks after the incident. Williams, after being ahead, now trails Richards by 10 points, and state/national media questions his ongoing viability.
Within six weeks, we pull the race back to even with a stark, negative — and in retrospect, shameless — focus on hot button cultural issues: flag burning, Jane Fonda financial contributions and state sodomy laws.
We pound Richards all summer with this troika of “issues” and press coverage now has Richards on the ropes facing daily, unanswered charges.
It wasn’t pretty, and retrospectively not proud of it. But it worked, and we pulled the race back to a 3-5 point Williams advantage.
Sandstone Amphitheater
Bonner Springs, KS
Lucky to find ticket — took 4+ hours in high heat and humidity; returned to Austin with bad sunburn
Austin, TX
After a series of repeated gaffes over the summer and fall — eight in total — Williams is losing altitude in the closing week as legendary Democratic consultant Bob Squier locks in on ads recounting the worst gaffes in addition to a series of ads accusing Williams of illegal business practices.
Vulnerable to gaffes under pressure, our campaign limits Williams’ engagement with media and go into a 4 corners kill the clock routine.
Yet Williams makes one last fatal gaffe the final weekend when saying he “paid no taxes in 1986” — because his oil drilling business lost money. But the explanation gets lost in the frenzy of coverage as campaign closes with stories implying Williams is a ‘tax cheat’.
Williams the populist ends up as Williams the corporate tax cheat and our numbers in East Texas, especially, crater.
Our narrow 2-3 point edge going into last weekend evaporates; we lose by about 70,000 votes as Richards takes the victory stage accompanied by the “Chariots of Fire” theme; the nature of the defeat was devastating: we just gave it away. But give Richards credit: she is a survivor of epic proportions.
As bad as the defeat was, the race put me on the map in a big way with national media and the national GOP campaign elites. After returning to DC, Mary Matalin asked me to the RNC for a meeting, and told me how well I’d handled gaffe damage control.
This helped take some of the sting out of defeat as Matalin said she wanted to get me involved in more key races. I was all for it.
Washington, DC
I cooled my heels on the Senate side writing op-ed pieces for Sen. Connie Mack, waiting for the next big campaign to come along.
It did — when Mary Matalin called one day.
Baton Rouge, LA
While in the process of interviewing for the NRCC communications director job in April 1991 with the help of my buddy, Mike Murphy, Mary Matalin called and asked for a meeting.
Democratic Louisiana Governor Buddy Roemer had just switched to the GOP, needed experienced campaign staff, and Matalin made a proposal: if I would go to Louisiana as Roemer’s communications director, and write his campaign announcement speech, she would hook me up with either a White House speechwriter job for Bush 41, or, ensure I got a major communications job on the imminent Bush/Quayle ’92 re-election campaign.
This was a dicey campaign and situation by any measure — and I was still reeling from Texas defeat. Roemer, with just a 50/50 shot at winning is running in ‘jungle primary’ against former Governor Edwin Edwards and ex-KKK grand wizard David Duke. Additionally, LA GOP Rep. Clyde Holloway was angry the RNC anointed Roemer as GOP nominee. Roemer would need every break possible to win.
Bush pollster Bob Teeter is designated chief strategist and pollster, signaling White House and RNC seriousness. I decided to do the race — it was a no-brainer, as I already had my presidential re-elect gig lined up.
I was now traveling in GOP circles just a distant dream as a freshman House press secretary five years ago.
While seeing far fewer Grateful Dead shows the past few years, my sense of wanderlust was still highly active — especially for exotic political cultures, and Louisiana politics was ‘it’ for exotic.
Baton Rouge
In the end game, Edwards and Duke see they’ll both make the run-off if they can destroy Roemer — and the new GOP Governor ends up the sole target of negative advertising in the final week.
Additionally, a massive independent expenditure (IE) effort against Roemer is launched in the New Orleans and Baton Rouge markets by Jack Kent, owner of Marine Shale — targeted with fines by reformer Roemer’s state environmental officials.
The significant spending disparity over last 7-10 days and cumulative negative messaging took it’s toll on Roemer in the New Orleans market as Edwards set up his traditional shop at the Hotel Monteleone to direct his cash-driven ‘get out the vote’ effort.
Edwards crushed Roemer in south Louisiana while Duke siphoned significant votes in Shreveport and Monroe.
Back in DC, there was no hand-wringing about fumbling the race away; the RNC sentiment was more disappointment that we got blown out in the end and had no answer to financing our own IE.
Washington, DC
Mary Matalin keep her word in spades, offers me opportunity to work in White House speech writing or at the Bush/Quayle reelect on L Street downtown.
I opted for the campaign thinking that’s where the action would be. Wrong.
Regardless, after starting out as the national director of state press and managing regional staff, I also ended up helping to lead bracketing operation; managing national surrogate press; and led state press and surrogate operations at the GOP Convention in Houston and the presidential debates in St. Louis, Atlanta and Richmond.
While more and more management responsibility came my way — and kept getting more notice from GOP VIPs — it was still a desultory campaign we deserved to lose.
RFK Stadium
Washington, DC
I had taken a lengthy one year hiatus from Grateful Dead shows due mostly to work — but the one year made a difference in the scene getting still bigger and unruly. The parking lot scene had become out of control, with thousands of partying fools without tickets and no affinity for the band just hanging out.
It was pathetic not to be able to get ticket in my home town. I was shocked but also just had bad luck that day.
I gave up at set break, and went back to Bush campaign HQ to work.
Washington, DC
Unlike most of the folks on the Bush/Quayle ’92 re-elect campaign — who’d never worked a campaign outside of the RNC — I knew this race was over by pure instinct weeks ago. Ross Perot was hurting us badly — regardless of what the post-election analysis said (that Perot drew equally from Bush and Clinton, which was BS).
James Carville and Paul Begala beat our brains in just like they did in the Lautenberg-Dawkins ’88 NJ Senate race. They were better, faster and more ruthless than our slow-moving Bush bureaucracy.
On election night at ‘victory headquarters’ at the Hilton on Connecticut Avenue, I watched a few key states fall, and left the suite early to walk back to my Georgetown apartment at 3100 N Street NW.
I put on the Grateful Dead’s 1992 RFK show I failed to get into several months earlier and fell asleep on the floor.
Voronezh, Russia
After the Bush loss, I had a severe bout of depression. Despite the quality and level of work I’d put in, and the notices I continued to receive from colleagues, I’d lost several grueling high-visibility campaigns in a row. It didn’t seem fair.
Fortunately, I was asked to participate in an IRI-sponsored two month trip to Russia to help teach emerging democratic parties U.S.-style campaign communications techniques.
As soon as I arrived in Moscow, and really assessed what I saw, I realized just how backwards Russia, and how the nation collapsed in the face of across the board technological competition with the U.S and western nations.
I was glad to leave the desolate remains of the Soviet Union.
Washington, DC
Getting back on my feet after the Bush defeat — and after a string of weak Grateful Dead shows (except for UNC Chapel Hill) — I was hired by the Senate Republican Conference, Chaired by Sen. Thad Cochran (R-MS).
I’d never had a press job like this — you don’t really do anything; maybe send out one or two news releases per week about sundry GOP Senate initiatives.
I didn’t consider it a “real” press secretary job, but I was grateful for the paycheck during a time of personal regrouping.
Washington, DC
As this was still permissible in early 90s, I cut a deal with Congressman Sam Johnson’s office to serve as a part-time communications director until such time they could find a full-time hire.
The office had a press secretary, and I worked with her as I handled a majority of the writing. This was more of a ‘real’ job than the Senate side gig.
Meanwhile, I reduced my Senate GOP Conference job to part-time status, and worked simultaneously In the U.S. Senate and U.S. House as i plotted my way back to the campaign trail and redemption.
Washington, DC
My two Capitol Hill jobs helped me to recover financially and psychologically from the collapse of the Bush presidency. I remain extremely confident in my skills, which is reinforced by a variety of inquiries from major statewide campaigns — including George W. Bush’s Texas gubernatorial race... Yet another reminder to me that despite my high-profile defeat in 1990 Texas Governor’s race, I’d left an impression — with Karl Rove in particular, who reached out to me.
Instead, I decided in November, 1993 to launch a sole proprietorship GOP consulting firm specializing in speech writing, news and message management, and optimizing coordination between a candidate’s TV message and daily stump message — all key areas where I’d seen problems in my races as well as others.
Key clients for the 1994 cycle will be Tennessee builder/developer Bob Corker, running for Senate; New York GOP gubernatorial candidate, State Sen. George Pataki, running for Governor; and U.S. Rep. Helen Bentley (R-MD), running for Governor. Not a bad slate of candidates for a first go-round.
The firm, Strategic Media Services (preceding my later firm, Strategic Media, Inc.), was launched and run out of my apartment at 3100 N Street NW in Georgetown.
Chattanooga, TN
Nashville surgeon Bill Frist wins Tennessee Senate GOP primary, with Bob Corker running 2nd in competitive 5-way field.
Hensley moves to NYC full-time for final general election showdown between incumbent New York Governor Mario Cuomo and GOP State Sen. George Pataki
New York, NY
This was a huge career-boosting win for the key Pataki campaign staff and consultants, and I was no exception.
I’d won very close races and lost very close races, but I was fairly certain the last weekend we would prevail; 1994 was a GOP wave and you can feel waves coming — from both sides. When early Erie County (Buffalo) returns came in with Pataki leading Cuomo by a consistent 6-8 point margin — and with other similar areas of the state showing Cuomo under performing — I knew we’d win.
I also knew that when I returned to Washington in several days, my stock was a “buy” and that good things were going to happen. And that’s exactly what occurred.
New York, NY/Sacramento, CA
After securing job on Pataki transition, I was asked to join a team of DC and California-based consultants fighting to seat GOP CA State Rep. Jim Brulte as Speaker — battling Democrat Speaker Willie Brown in a post-election dispute regarding who won the majority.
I commuted between NYC and Sacramento through February, 1995
Warfield Theater
San Francisco, CA
Despite long odds, I decided to leave Sacramento and try to scalp a ticket out in front of the Warfield Theater. I walked around in the rain for several hours with no luck — simply no tickets… this was now the norm for Jerry Garcia Band and Grateful Dead shows: no tickets, nowhere, no-how.
15 minutes before show, a staff member walks out and announces 25 general admission tickets are available, and begins pointing at people in crowd (Studio 54 style in 1970’s NYC) to step forward using a bullhorn.
Standing toward the back of the scrum, desperate, I was a wet fan wearing a Houston Astros hat with big orange star. Inexplicably, he points at me: “Yo, Starman — yeah, you in the hat”… I couldn’t believe it.
Out of hundreds still milling around in the rain, I got a ticket, and walked right on to the floor 20 feet in front of Garcia. That was my lucky day, and the show was excellent.
Washington, DC
After completing work in California, I began work as communications director for the National Republican Senatorial Committee (NRSC) Chaired by NY Senator Al D’Amato (R-NY).
Sen. D’Amato was Pataki’s lead patron against arch-rival Cuomo in terms of fundraising, strategy and lending all of his consultants to Pataki. If Pataki won, D’Amato would win — and he now was both Chairman of the Senate Banking Committee as well as NRSC Chair, and among the most powerful and colorful lawmakers in all of Washington.
The communications director job was my reward for the Pataki victory. I was exhilarated about my new job and the national playground of Senate races at my disposal in terms of involvement.
Three Rivers Stadium
Pittsburgh, PA
Due to the experience of being very close to stage, including a torrential downpour of legendary proportion and duration, this show ended up being one of the strangest and best shows of all I’d seen.
Portland, OR
This was a priority race for the NRSC, and I was the first NRSC staffer to hit the ground and set up shop in Portland. Gordon Smith, State Senate President, was an articulate, attractive, kind family man getting his ass kicked by Democratic Rep. Ron Wyden and our DSCC counterparts. We had to stop the bleeding.
We retooled, returned fire and a squadron of DC staff swooped in to help with research, fundraising and communications management. And then Newt Gingrich and the House GOP become culpable for a government shutdown. Generic support for the GOP plummeted yet we held our ground and the race according to Cook Report was a toss-up on election day.
The atmospherics were good at NRSC headquarters on election night, and we were expecting a squeaker but narrow win. The first vote by mail election in Oregon history, we at the NRSC and RNC erred in our “banked vote” calculations, and we got buried by a huge election day turnout in Democratic base areas.
This was a huge disappointment for the GOP and ended up focusing still more attention on Gingrich, the government shutdown, and soured the environment for eventual GOP presidential primary winner Bob Dole.
Washington, DC
Sen. D’Amato, was backing Bob Dole for President in ’96 GOP primary against Sen. Phil Gramm (R-TX), Lamar Alexander, Steve Forbes, Pat Buchanan and others.
Between January and March of 1996, I was asked by the Dole campaign to help them during the GOP primary — and D’Amato allowed me to continue at NRSC as communications director as well as consult for the Dole campaign — an unconventional arrangement, but one I surely appreciated. “Just remember where you really work,” D’Amato said when he gave me the green light.
Once Dole won the key “Rust Belt” primaries in mid-March, I resumed full-time at NRSC.
Washington, DC
I had the good fortune to be asked to write South Carolina Senator Strom Thurmond’s final campaign announcement speech. The 87 year-old Senator was considered vulnerable, only for his age and ability carry out his duties. But his campaign was faltering, he had no message, and he had to prove he could serve.
We created three drafts, and each time I got to spend time with Thurmond alone while his chief of staff, Duke Short, carried out the business of Thurmond’s office, shuttling in and out to help me work with Thurmond. The speech was well received in-state and viewed as effective.
This was an amazing experience, and among my very favorite missions at the NRSC.
Washington
While Dole went down to defeat, the GOP picked up 2 seats in the U.S. Senate.
This was the first post-election where hitting a few Grateful Dead shows was not an option, and it felt unusual and disconcerting not to be able to recharge with positive energy after subjecting myself, yet again, to the negative ‘definitional’ campaign mentality required not just to win, but survive.
My next decision would be deciding whether I wanted to seek another two year stint as NRSC communications director under incoming Chairman, Mitch McConnell.
Washington, DC
Grateful Dead guitarist Bob Weir and vocalist Rickie Lee Jones teamed up on a freezing day at the Mall for a surprisingly strong show with several of Weir’s “RatDog Revue” bandmates including drummer Jay Lane and bassist Rob Wasserman.
Washington
After the 1996 election, I was inundated by requests from PR firms to interview for jobs. Edelman, Burson, and others wanted me, and headhunting firm Korn Ferry contacted me to discuss several jobs.
Working at the NRSC for another election cycle was not what I wanted. I had never viewed ‘professional campaign committee’ types who spent years there as real campaign operatives.
Fair or not, I came up through “the system” the hard way — and my way. When meeting first with McConnell chief of staff Steve Law and then McConnell himself, I told them I’d be moving on.
New York, NY
After deciding I did not want to work at a K Street PR firm, I received a great offer from Phillip Morris in NYC after going through the interview process with Korn-Ferry. I was interviewing for a seniors communications job that involved CEO speechwriting and other senior-level CEO interaction. If I took the job, I would be making more money, by far, than any previous employment opportunity.
I was concerned, however, about the taint of “tobacco executive” and how that might impact my future campaign employment if I decided to return — as was my plan.
Karl Rove and I had kept in touch informally since 1990, and I regarded his view on almost everything in politics as infallible. I reached out to him and he said definitely do not take the job if I was interested in rejoining the campaign game, and said he himself was unilaterally beginning to steer clear of tobacco PR contracts. That was good advice I appreciated.
I was also in the midst of a serious effort to quit smoking — a nasty habit I couldn’t kick, and which was impacting my health after years of campaigns, cigarettes, bad coffee, all nighters and a poor diet. My mom also cried when I told her I might accept the job and said she’d be ashamed if her son became a “tobacco whore”. In the end, I turned down the offer and I was back at square one: I needed a job post-NRSC.
Washington, DC
I receive a call from NRCC Chairman Bill Paxon (R-NY) and GOP operative Dave Carney on the same day: they wanted to discuss my involvement in the NY-13 special election to succeed retiring Rep. Susan Molinari. GOP City Councilman Vito Fossella was the NRCC’s candidate running against Democratic State Senator Eric Vitaliano. A House race? seriously?
I was also getting other calls about working on campaigns, and after Paxon and Carney met my NRCC contract requirements, I decided to revive my old campaign consulting company as a new corporate entity, Strategic Media, Inc. at 1230 31st Street NW in Georgetown.
I would soon be headed to NYC to meet with Fossella as one of his senior consultants.
New York, NY
My first meeting with Vito Fossella worked out perfectly timing-wise with the Furthur Festival show out in Queens. I met Fossella at a West Side bar to grab a burger before taping a WCBS-TV segment with Marcia Kramer, the reporter who famously elicited the “I didn’t inhale” response from Bill Clinton about his marijuana use.
Fossella was smooth and articulate. I was very impressed. His U. Penn pedigree was on display and I hadn’t expected to see such a confident, well-practiced, attractive candidate. Bill Paxon and Dave Carney hadn’t oversold me. Despite trailing in polls due mostly to lower name ID than Democratic State Sen. Eric Vitaliano, I was now certain he would win this GOP leaning CD in Staten Island and Brooklyn.
Fossella also won me over by telling me one of his favorite songs was Dylan’s “Positively 4th Street.”
West Tennis Stadium
Forest Hills, NY
Later in the afternoon after meeting GOP congressional candidate Vito Fossella, I headed to Queens to take in Further Festival — a small troupe of bands centered around Grateful Dead music and band members Bob Weir and Phil Lesh.
Hammerstein Ballroom
New York, NY
The name “RatDog” was never my favorite for Bob Weir’s new band, now no longer called “RatDog Revue.” It’s almost like Weir decided to come up with a name to repel interest, not promote it. Yet his track record fielding great bands that eventually draw positive acclaim is stellar.
Regardless, the bluesy-jazzy improvisational nature of his band, which included a horns player unlike the Dead, really appealed to me. These guys were just getting started. This was keyboards phenom Jeff Chimenti’s first tour with Weir and the band.
Washington, DC
Following Fossella’s comfortable win in the NY-13 Special Election, I signed several additional blue chip clients in addition to the NRCC which included GOP Senators Al D’Amato (NY) and Paul Coverdell (GA), GOP Governor George Pataki, and the New York State Republican Party.
New York, NY
While Gov. George Pataki and Sen. Paul Coverdell win, the loss by Al D’Amato was inevitable in a state like New York but devastating nonetheless.
For the first time after an election, the cumulative weight of the 24/7 schedule, poor diet, cigarettes and the negativity of the campaign cycle began to take a toll on my psyche and physical health.
A few Grateful Dead shows would always take the edge off, but, again, that was not an option. It felt like there was a “buildup” of negative energy inside me that I could not release.
I brushed it off, and kept pretending it was nothing, but when I returned to Washington I began to think what I might do instead of campaigns if it ever came to that. I had no answer.
Washington, DC
Rhonda Keenum, a former colleague of Mary Matalin, was now a Senior VP at Edelman PR and hired my firm on a 6 month contract to handle writing and CEO counsel for one of the firm’s biggest health care clients. This was my very first corporate account.
At first, I didn’t like it because of the pace. It was boring, but lucrative — and low maintenance. I kept an open mind, but I didn’t believe I’d ever leave political campaign work solely for corporate.
Palace Theater
Louisville, KY
I drove to this show and the next show in Akron with former Trump advisor Michael Caputo, with whom I’d seen at least 20 Grateful Dead shows in earlier years.
This was the first show since the Grateful Dead ended four years earlier that reignited my passion for this music — the band had become a tight, unified force and I walked out of the Palace Theater thinking for the first time I could, and would, follow this band if given the opportunity.
Austin, TX
Out of the blue, I got a call from Bush senior advisor, Mark McKinnon, whom I’d known since working in Louisiana in 1991. McKinnon said he had chatted with Bush’s senior aides Karen Hughes and Karl Rove, and they wanted me aboard as a communications consultant for the presidential campaign.
At the time, getting an invite from Austin to join the campaign was the hottest ticket in Washington — especially if one had worked on the 1992 Bush/Quayle re-elect. George W had very negative feelings about the consultants and staff involved in the race, and believed the campaign had done a poor job. He was right.
Regardless, I got the call, and instinctively hit the road immediately and drove to Austin.
Austin, TX
Over the years, I spent many Christmases — and many holidays — in various campaign headquarters around the country. Regardless, I always rationalized that’s “just what I do” — and one reason I had a ticket to the hottest GOP campaign in America: I go above and beyond, put work before all else, and that’s just the way it is.
But for the very first time, things felt different; like I had no life beyond campaigns. But it was true.
While merely a coincidence I had just turned 40 several months prior, the same minor unsettling feeling I had following the 1998 campaign cycle became more pronounced. But I shook it off and continued with my work through New Years in Austin.
The campaign was going well, and I was now in the morning senior staff meeting with Rove, Karen Hughes (calling in from the road), media consultant Stu Stevens, finance director Jack Oliver, research director Dan Bartlett, and several others. I couldn’t have been in a better place.
Austin, TX
Several days before the IA Caucus, I took a fateful walk to the Texas state capitol — an area I had long found to be a sanctuary for clear thinking. I didn’t feel well physically or psychologically. I took a seat on a bench and realized my own life had for the most part been organized around others’ schedules — not mine.
Where was my schedule? I sure as Hell needed one — it’s called “a life.” Moreover, my general deterioration from cigarettes, bad coffee and hard campaign living had taken a toll.
My spiritual deterioration from the years of negative campaigning — with the goal of destroying the other guy first before he or she destroys you — overcame me as I sat there. I realized that when I met a new person, I looked first for their negative attributes and weaknesses, not their positives. This was a depressing realization, and not the person I wanted to be.
I liken the moment to the incident in Forrest Gump where Gump has been running back and forth across America — but then just stops. Why was he running? Where was he going? Now what?
It was the most powerful moment of my adult life and hit me like a freight train: I could no longer do this. I simply lost the desire and the given one must devote 100% of themselves to campaign work. If one cannot commit themselves in this manner one shouldn’t work on campaigns because the work quality and outcome cannot be at the level required.
In a matter of just several hours, sitting on the bench at the Capitol, I knew my life had changed — there was no way I could just “suck it up” and go back to work. It was over. I walked back down Congress Avenue to Bush headquarters — happy, relieved and comfortable about my decision.
I’d have to tell Rove, Hughes and McKinnon thanks for the opportunity but that I’d be going back to Washington after the IA Caucus.
Austin
The Bush high command was puzzled but nonplussed about my decision — there were many talented operatives just sitting by the phone waiting for an opportunity to join the Bush campaign.
My biggest issue now was what I’d do for a job once back in Washington. But the feeling of freedom and a fresh non-campaign start overwhelmed me — and my top goal of getting healthy and quitting smoking beckoned. I had to make this happen, now, or it would never would.
Press Secretary Ari Fleischer was headed to Des Moines for Caucus night and needed a ride to the airport. I dropped him off on the way out of town. After a phone call with NBC’s Norah O’Donnell, Ari and I chatted for several minutes — we’d known each other a long time — and we both wished each other luck.
Our paths as campaign operatives since doing House races in Westchester County had now diverged: Ari was headed to Iowa and ultimately the White House. I was headed back to Washington and a new life and starting for the first time to live my life around my own schedule — not a politician’s schedule.
I felt exhilarated, and free.